Upon This Pebble

utpAt Liquid Football myself, Danny and Kev said we would do a season review for our respective clubs. Danny being an angry Forest fan vented, in his own unique way and kev… well, he basically just told all employees of Liverpool FC to fuck off! I’m a Peterborough fan, so I’ve declined to do one – my local pharmacy haven’t got enough happy pills for me to consume in order to get myself through a season review


Maybe “dark” is a tad dramatic, but it was a bit shit wasn’t it? We started off well, then tailed off as usual. Fergie left, Robbo took over etc. For me this summer is one of the biggest in recent years, if not the biggest. It’s a case of, do we stick or twist? We need to make wholesale changes in my opinion – hence why I wanted a totally fresh face in as manager. I like Robbo, and I’m in love with Grant McCann. I’ve always liked the Northern Irish accent, mainly on ladies, but if you squint a bit…

Anyway, back to the football. As I write this we’ve made two signings so far. Two quality signings at that; Welsh international Jack Collison & Northern Irish (shut up!) goal machine Joe Gormley – who scored 41 goals, in the NIFL Premiership, last season. Collison is a very good footballer, a midfield powerhouse and, if kept fit (that’s a massive if), will be the best midfielder in League one this season. collison

I’m not going to sit here and rave too much about Gormley, like some clowns do on Twitter, because I’ve not seen the lad play. Although his goal scoring record is somewhat impressive, I remember Danny Swanson looked like Messi on YouTube, and it turned out he couldn’t hit a barn door, and ran like fucking Velma out of Scooby Doo. All that said, I think we need more than two signings, we need another three or four, of that calibre to have a chance next season. We were nowhere near it last term, not even close to the play offs. I’m not having it that if Robbo started the season we’d have gone up, bollocks!

I do wish, as a club, we’d take responsibility though. We even said the pitch had a disease for fuck sake! Big Bob Symms actually said that in a Q&A. Ridiculous. The physios were battered by Darragh, claiming our horrific injury record was because they were over-worked in pre-season. Again, I’m not a fan of that. I’m probably not making any friends here, but I do love Posh, even if I actively dislike most of the staff. It’s still my club and always will be.

The actual highlight & low light of the season came on the same day, and it didn’t happen on a football pitch either, I wish it had gotten that far. FC LiquidFootball had a 5-A-Side tournament coming up, I ruled myself out of playing, mainly because I fucking love Cherry Bakewells, and I’ve had too many in recent months. I am like an immobile Messi mind. I like to win though, so I got in contact with Marcus Maddison, and to my delight, he agreed to play for us and also agreed to us putting a story out there regarding his involvement. I couldn’t imagine what he could do on a 5-A-Side pitch against fat, middle aged men when he was banging free kicks in left right and centre in the football league.

So we put a story out there, saying that we had “acquired the services of Peterborough United Forward Marcus Maddison on a 2 hour loan deal”. To my amazement, a couple of people on twitter actually thought Maddison had left Posh. Our budget at Liquid Football is about £12 and a packet of crisps, and to be fair, I’d be munching the crisps. A few minutes later I got a text off Maddison saying Robbo had been on the blower and wasn’t best pleased with the way we had worded our article, despite it clearly being very tongue in cheek. So we changed it, in the hope he could still play and I wouldn’t have to pull on a jersey and show everyone up. He was still up for playing but left it in the hands of the club. Later on I got a message off Grant McCann (unfortunately not via telephone), basically explaining that the players were told before they left for their holidays in Skegness that they’re not to participate in any 5-A-Side football, meaning his spell at FC LiquidFootball was shorter than Sol Campbell’s at Notts County.

We went on to reach the semi-finals of the tournament anyway, a lot further then Posh have gotten in any competition in recent years, bar the Johnstone paint trophy, and I’d argue the quality of football wasn’t as good in the JPT. I don’t know what this was, it’s not a review, it’s not a preview, it just gets Danny off my back for my ‘season review’. I hope we get promoted next season because League One is dog shit. The end.

By Jarred